God is not through with you.

 Okay, so I don't really know how to start this note, but I know where I need it to head.

As a child and the only daughter, you would expect that one has the greatest relationship with one's mum

It's unbearable that one day you wake up and find your mother gone, to where? one just doesn't know.

 

Over the years I guess my resentment, did I just say resentment? yes, resentment for my mother took over my life.

I got careless around people and wouldn't tell anyone that I loved them simply because I was afraid, they too would up and go.

I have been through so much pain because of this, but I can say now, that I am not letting that fear hold me back.

The little things people would do, I find that I couldn't. Simply because I feared being rejected.

 

As I grew older, I have worked on having that mother-daughter relationship with my mother, which just doesn't work out and I end up hurting over and over again. It is safe to say that the impression that I got was that of, I am an ATM.

Which as bluntly hurtful that it is, it's the truth.

Their times when my phone would be blowing up and I know the only reason why she is calling it's because she needs something from me.

 

I found my healing eventually. I have come to respect and understand her for who she is.

I don't make excuses for her neither blame myself nor let her bully me.

But, I have found my healing. It wasn't easy but I know that God saw me through that.

I know I don't have the ability to forgive, but through the grace of God, I did.

it took years for mum and I to have an "okay" relationship.

I am not afraid to be a mother someday anymore and I am not afraid of people leaving.

 

Sometimes we carry so much of our past hurts with us, that they consume us.

I may not know exactly what you are going through, but I need you to put it at the cross. God will see you through and he will bring you healing. You need to want the healing before you can receive it.

I know you might be in an abusive relationship; your parents are drunks, you are forced to earn money for the family through God knows what, you come from a family that treats you like you not part of it. Your father rapes you or you simply don't feel like living anymore. Today I just want to bless you and encourage you that you will be fine.

God has not given up on you and whatever hurt you going through, you will make it through.