Truth Living Blog..

 Hey world, Been a minute. Just a black girl sitting behind a laptop, in my head thinking about where to from here. Are we all stuck and trying to figure out this life thing? Or have we all figured out this life thing and I am here alone?  Such a crazy feeling or place to be in, you are there, yet you are not. Wherever that there might appear to be. Are we all scared or have you all healed and I am here alone, with my scars? There is a place I want, need to get to. I have an idea of the place, yet not sure how to get there.  Do we still cry or have we become rock solid? Do we feel or are we numb? Do even, have hope or we have become hopeless. What anchors us then? What anchors a girl?  Have we learned to communicate and speak up for ourselves or are we still learning? Are we choosing to leave spaces that do not serve us or places that make us question that which is right to us? Is the place we want there? 

  Okay, so I don't really know how to start this note, but I know where I need it to head. As a child and the only daughter, you would expect that one has the greatest relationship with one's mum It's unbearable that one day you wake up and find your mother gone, to where? one just doesn't know.   Over the years I guess my resentment, did I just say resentment? yes, resentment for my mother took over my life. I got careless around people and wouldn't tell anyone that I loved them simply because I was afraid, they too would up and go. I have been through so much pain because of this, but I can say now, that I am not letting that fear hold me back. The little things people would do, I find that I couldn't. Simply because I feared being rejected.   As I grew older, I have worked on having that mother-daughter relationship with my mother, which just doesn't work out and I end up hurting over and over again. It is safe to say that the impression that I got was th...

Once upon a time in a small suburb in Windhoek. Lived a 5-year-old girl, her name was Nafimane, she lived with her mom, dad, and two uncles. Their flat was on the ground floor in a complex with about 9 flats. Nafimane was an only child at the time and to pass time, she sometimes loves to sit in front of the telly to watch Youtube. One Sunday afternoon, upon her return from adventurer meetings at church, she wanted to sit and watch television. But the dad said he was going to watch some soccer. Bored to her core, Nafimane goes to her mommy and says, "mommy I want to watch TV, tell papa to go watch in the room?'. Her papa who was not seated very far from them, suggested that she go play outside in the sun. Nafimane very sad at this suggestion from the papa, says to her mommy "mommy if I go play outside, I will become black".  This saddened the mommy very much, so the mommy enquired " Nafimane, who said you will become black when you sit and play in the sun?" ...

Yesterday late at night as I sat on my bed, after a good few minutes of journaling (I like to journal as some things are just too painful and who best to speak about them then God?) So.. As I read through some of the prayers I have made in my journals and found one very different journal entry from the rest. In this specific entry, I was pleading so much with God to bless me just as he did Jacob and Hannah.. I pleaded Jer. 29:11 and 2Thes 3:3, the funny thing was that that specific prayer was not answered and I know that it will never be answered. My begging and pleading reminded me of how Althea had gotten into the habit of saying “Mommy Pleaseee?” And my response would be “no” especially if I know what she is asking for is not good for her, secondly, I do not want her to develop a begging habit...Imagine her knowing that in-order to something, she only needs to say “pleaseee” and I will say yes. Is this not how God perhaps works?? We plead and he says “no” because what we are pleadin...

Wow... So today I logged onto my blogger and the last date I posted was December 2019, did I not get shook.  Like..... Is that possible, I feel I have been on here everyday writing my life away but no. It has been 5months of none existent writing, hahaha. Anyhow, Hallo! I pray we all safe and keeping safe. Xo. Also, blogger has changed!!!! Wow.. Where is the publish button even.

I grew up in a world that was somewhat perfect. I really did not know what perfection looked like or what it was but somehow I believed my world was perfect. What was funny about my world was how perfect I thought it was, yet, you found no love in it. A world filled with so much hurt and resentment. a world that was completely shut out from the rest of the world. My own little world that I build with no door let alone a window. My own little world, I dictated who enters, this number was a very little number utmost only 4 persons could enter or maybe, reasonably a small number of persons could enter. Yet, even when they entered I kept them at arm's length, I dictated how much of myself I was willing to give. I thought I was boss, what a beautiful world it seems. The irony of it all was that there was no love in this little world of mine. There was Jesus in it but yet, Jesus was not the center of this world. I made the rules and I governed. For a lengthy period of time, I w...